Thanksgiving Survival Guide

As families travel and get together for the holidays, it can be a stressful time for special needs children and their parents. Children with disabilities can become easily overwhelmed. They may resist participating or act out during a traditional family gathering. This can be embarrassing and  frustrating for the parents. Parents want their child to have the same experiences as typical children, but at times are not sure that it is worth the effort.  There are ways these parents can lessen the anxiety of their child while still having a traditional holiday. If you are the parent of a special needs child, here are some ideas that may help you get through the day successfully.

The first thing a parent can do to lessen the anxiety level of their child is to make the day as predictable as possible. Start by making a schedule of the day for your child. This is not always easy if you are visiting in someone else's home. If you going to someone else house for the day, call ahead and explain that you would like to make a schedule for your child and have them provide you with the necessary information. If the schedule changes throughout the day, make the changes on your child's schedule as soon as you are aware of the change. Make sure to discuss the change with your child so that he is expecting each event in advance.

When you arrive, provide a quiet place for your child to go if they become overwhelmed by the crowds. Make sure that your child knows where they can take a break and have a system of how they can inform you if they are going to the quiet area. For children who struggle to self-regulate, you may need to prompt them to take a break if they  are showing signs of anxiety or frustration. This is not a punishment for bad behavior, but simply a spot to allow them to calm themselves internally. You may need to excuse yourself from the festivities to go with your child and read him a familiar story or rub his back while he calms himself. Once your child has demonstrated that he is relaxed, encourage him rejoin the family. You can also take a walk with your child. Sometimes getting him outdoors and strolling around the block is settling and will distract him from his frustrations.

At family gatherings, there are frequently people that the child may not recognize or hasn't seen in a long time. This can be a source of anxiety for some children. Before the event, make a small photo album with the relatives and friends that will be in attendance. Write each person's name of the picture. Go through the album with your child several times prior to people arriving. On the day of the event have the album readily available for your child to reference. When a person arrives, open the album and show your child the picture for that person. This allows him to make the connection and will assist him in initial greetings.

Food issues can also come into play when traveling or eating at someone else's house. If you have a child who finds it difficult to try new dishes, don't require them to try new foods during the holidays. This day is already difficult for both of you and this would be a time to "pick your battles." Make sure that you bring with you something that your child will eat without getting upset. If you know that your child will eat turkey, volunteer to make your child's favorite vegetable dish or side dish. If turkey is not an option, volunteer to make another protein type casserole that your child likes to have available so that you don't end up with a food battle.

If your family has a tradition like going around the table and stating what they are thankful for, practice ahead of time with your child. You can write what they are thankful for on a card and hand it to him at the appropriate time. If your family plays a game, make sure your child knows the rules of the game. Create a card that your child can reference if he becomes confused or stressed. Make visual prompts that will help him participate. If turn taking is an issue, make a card that says "your turn" on one side and "wait" on the other. Turn the card to the appropriate side as the game is played. If your child wishes not to participate in a particular activity, don't force him to do so. Again, your goal is to get through the day without a battle or melt-down.

Time Timer

Helping a child understand the duration of an activity can also be helpful and reduce anxiety. Set a timer that counts down for each segment of the day. For example, set a timer that lets the child know when you will be leaving to go to Grandma's house or when the guests will begin to arrive. Set the time to let them know when dinner will be ready, when the football game will begin, and when you will be leaving to go home. I like using a visual time such as a Time Timer. This can be purchased from a variety of sources including www.amazon.com for around $25. You can also download a Time Timer app on your ipod, smart phone or ipad for little to no money.

Hope these ideas make your Thanksgiving enjoyable. Keep in mind that your child's needs come first and don't allow the opinions of relatives to influence your decision making. God placed this child in your life because He knew that you were the right person for the job. You are the number one advocate for your child. Do what you can to make the day fun and as stress-free as possible.